Recently I’ve started two different projects that have brought to mind opening lines in novels. I started to think about my own novels and their opening lines. I thought, why not critique each opening line with a grade?
Obviously I’m grading on a curve because I’m slightly biased.
From The Promise Remains:
The young woman stood on the deck of the log cabin, looking into the tear-filled eyes of the man she loved.
I’d give this a solid B. It instantly tells you what sort of story this is going to be, along with making you ask a question of what’s happening. Yes, a bit simple and clichéd, but heartfelt like that story.
From The Watermark:
I wish I could say that before you stands a new man.
I’d give this a B-Plus. I love the voice in this story and still regard it as one of my favorites.
From The Second Thief:
“You sure you know where you’re going?”
I’d give this a B-minus only for the fact that there’s a little irony in the question. Yes, it’s a simple question from a cab driver, but that’s also the whole point of the novel. Where is he going when he dies?
For Three Roads Home, I decided to break down all three of the novellas opening lines. So this is from “Somebody” in Three Roads Home:
Charissa Thomas found her husband sitting on the couch, staring at her laptop.
C-Minus. Not very interesting, to be honest.
From “In Care Of” in Three Roads Home:
Are we allowed to say goodbye?
B. I like the simple question which is at the heart of this story.
From “Still Life at Sunset” in Three Roads Home:
She heard the brush of footsteps before she saw him.
I’d grade it a C. Again, it’s not really that compelling or interesting.
From Gun Lake:
He could see her down by the water.
D. The opening prologue doesn’t serve any point really, and should’ve been edited out. The opening line in the first letter was great, but oh well. Live and learn.
From Admission:
Something deep and terrifying jerked him awake.
I’d give this a B-Plus. This is immediate and draws you in to what happened.
From Blinded:
“Mind if I join you?”
C. I’d give it a worse grade if this wasn’t the single line that starts the whole story. I did that on purpose, having it start with a simple question that could have been answered with a “no.” But for our hero, unfortunately he says why not.
From Sky Blue:
In my dream I hold my child.
Okay, maybe I’m biased, but I’d give this an A. I remember where and when I came up with that line. I texted myself the line and it remained. Because of the personal nature of the story, I’ve always loved this line.
From Out of the Devil’s Mouth:
It was November, just a few days before Thanksgiving, the ground hard and the city sidewalks sprinkled with a light snow, and I truly didn’t know if I was going to live to see turkey and dressing.
D-Plus. Maybe I’m being harsh, but this sounds corny to me. The “turkey and dressing” line sounds lame.
From Isolation:
It was the sort of hot summer night that made a young woman abandon her fears and jump into the lake with barely anything on.
A-Minus. On the other hand, I love this opening line. It goes back to the horror movies of my youth, where pretty young girls always go skinny-dipping. I was referring to that and was glad that my Christian publisher didn’t make me change it.
From Ghostwriter:
On his knees, Dennis Shore cries out.
Solid B. This is present tense and immediate. It also gives us the name of the main character right away. In a sense, Ghostwriter is all about Dennis Shore crying out and dealing with grief.
From Every Breath You Take:
You don’t remember when we used to dance together, but I do . . .
B-Plus. This is from the opening letter but I still regard it as the opening line. I love this line and how it refers to the thing that is a core of the story—a father dancing with his daughter on her wedding day.
From Broken:
So this is how it ends.
B-Plus. Simple and straightforward. But gets you right into the story.
From Solitary:
I run through the dark woods.
B. I love the opening prologue and feel this line works. I think I’m often less worried about the opening line than I am about the opening chapter.
Okay, so if you’ve read this far, then I’ll share the opening line from 40 which comes out in May:
He waits on the corner like a child at the bus stop in front of your home and his name is death.
Okay, maybe I’m still too close to this story, but I’d give this an A. Love this opening line.
An opening line doesn’t always have to be incredible for the story to work. But it’s interesting looking back over these and thinking about them. I would dare say the closing line of a novel is more important. And if I graded myself on those, I feel I’d get a much better grade since my endings are always very important to me.
This was cool. Thanks for sharing. So, what is your favorite opening line of a novel, not counting any of your own?
“I am doomed to remember a boy with a wrecked voice – not because of his voice, or because he was the smallest person I ever knew, or even because he was the instrument of my mother’s death, but because he is the reason I believe in God; I am a Christian because of Owen Meany.”–A Prayer For Owen Meany by John Irving.
Rather long one but awesome.
'My wound is geography.'–The Prince of Tides by Pat Conroy.
Short but beautiful.
Those are two of my favorite novels as well.
Just finished Admission. Super read. I liked Jake Rivers as much as I liked Chris Buckley in Solitary, which was a lot! I'm reading my way through all your books and have enjoyed them all except for one.
It was interesting to read all the opening lines from your books. I liked most of them, especially "So this is how it ends" from Broken. That line really drew my interest.
Bonnie Grove wrote Talking to the Dead, and its opening line is: "Kevin is dead and the people in my house wouldn't go home." That line made me want to read more.
Thanks for all the many hours of reading entertainment!
Ah, yes, the closing lines of a novel….they have the power to strip a heart of its beating ability. I was in a 'state' when I read the finial lines of The Bronze Horseman by Paullina Simons. Those final words don't sound too heartbreaking without having read the whole story, but I assure you I 'grieved' for a bit. Those final lines are: "You will find a way to live without me. You will find a way to live for both of us", Alexander said to Tatiana as the swelling Kama River flowed from the Ural Mountains hrough a pine village named Lazarevo, once when they were in love, and young.
Travis, your writing and mine started about the same time and it has been awesome to travel the journey with you from the days when you were looking forward to publishing your first novel. I really love first lines. So I loved this post. Here are my first lines. What grade would you give them…
From Noachic Allusion and Echo in James 3.1-12: Implicatures of New Creation Eschatology (2002)…
"A seeming contradiction appears in Jas. 3.1-12."
I give this a B- and it rates that high only because it's short and simple and also for the phrase "seeming contradiction," but if you went on to read the whole first paragraph, you might really be grabbed. It ends with…
"Thus, an apparent discrepancy exists in Jas. 3:1-12 in that James expects of his readers the very purity of speech that he claims to be an impossibility."
Don't you want to read it now?
And from Mitigation and intensification of Persuasive Discourse in a Koine Greek Letter: Coherent Macrostructure in the Letter of James (2010)…
"As a slave of God (Jas. 1.1) and a 'brother' to his audience (1.2), James must feel a double responsibility to deliver a faithful testimony about his Lord and to mitigate the divine message such that his audience may hear it."
I give this opening line a passing C, but only because the rest of the work is even more painful to track with, even by my own thesis committee. Not until my final concluding chapter does my thesis start to sound a little more like English, but hey, at least I finished it. Thanks for the encouragement along the way. I wish we had more opportunities to get together. We could get our kids in the ring for some tag team wrestling or something, and then stop at Red Robin for burgers, baloons and everything else that starts with friendship.
Dear bzephyr–you need to start cranking these babies out! Well, not more babies, but more works like this. Okay, perhaps a little less intellectual and more pop like my stuff. 🙂 Thanks Ben for sharing this–I haven't been to a Red Robin in a long time. These twins are A LOT of work. But you guys know that already. Miss you and thanks for the post!
Travis, you are too harsh. A D- for the hard ground of November? I stepped down into 8 inches of mud yesterday and that line took me back to that season in a place I only dream of from this side of the world. The only thing I'd change about it is the dressing. Just say turkey.
And I like the new first line from 40, partly because there was a bus stop on the corner in front of my home where I grew up, but I like the analogy of a man likened to a child. And there are some real emotions wrapped up in waiting at the bus stop. Something you do every day. Just having left the comfort of home. Going back to the chaotic expectations of school. I wonder if this man was able to eat his breakfast that morning. I used to not be able to stomach it before I went to the bus stop. But his name is death? Okay, now none of my resonances with the imagery make sense. I guess I'll read on. With three locative phrases, I'd add em dashes around the analogy, or commas if so constrained.